Journey to becoming a better human being - 3
Looking at the parts. Should I look at the whole also?

We were on a retreat. Away from the hustle and bustle of the daily routine. No phones, no newspapers. Repeating a mantra - when I am in the retreat, I am in the retreat – several times.

We did a mental exercise to relax the body and the mind. Reducing the distractions, we could now focus on the topic. Initially I thought the topic was simple. Sharing our experiences of asking what for and exploring the essence of – the meaning of whatever we were doing.

There was a suggestion. What we are doing with parts, can we do with the whole also? I was puzzled. Then came the clarification. While it is good to explore the meaning of the different tasks we are doing, can we ask the same question about our life itself?

‘Why not?’ was my immediate response.

But slowly the significance of the sentence sank in . I had never thought from this angle. The word ‘life’ itself appeared to too heavy and philosophical. To think about my life appeared to be a very big thing. Are we supposed to live  life or think about  life? Is it not the area of philosophers or spiritual gurus or religion or simply for elderly people?

Being in the retreat, I was at peace with myself. Everyone around was in a reflective mood too. The situation was congenial to take the plunge. Like all the others, I located an isolated spot, sat there alone and started reflecting. ? What am I living for? What is the meaning of my life?

A statement made by a friend popped up in my mind. He related life to an ice-cream. Enjoy it before it melts. Is it not true?  Isn’t life for enjoying?  Eat, drink, dance and enjoy. But in my daily life, I am faced with so many challenges, tensions and even frustrations that I rarely enjoy. Am I living  life in a wrong way?   Then a doubt appeared in my mind - does this not appear to be too trivial an answer? The meaning of life can’t be just to enjoy. There must be something more. The  thought  necessary but not sufficient kept on ringing in my mind.

I explored further. I could think of life all around me. Children being born, growing up, school, college, job, business, marriage, having children, raising them , aging and death. In the meantime and all along, a race to be bigger and better in all aspects  with a tone of tension all throughout  life. Could life be just a rat race running from one goal post to another until ‘the end’? While this may capture the external aspects of the lives of many people, this cannot be an answer to the ‘what for’ of  life. While birth and death are a reality, there must be some meaning to  how you live between the two.

I remembered a religious discourse that I had attended. The speaker was saying  something about life that did not interest me much then. He was saying that the purpose of  life is to achieve God. It is to get liberated  from the cycle of multiple births. I did not understand it much then and even now, when I am thinking about  it, I  cannot not make much sense out of it.

I realised that this apparently simple question has raised multiple questions that I have never raised at all  in my life.

 Afterward,  all  of us gathered in the hall and exchanged notes. We realised that it is a difficult question with no easy answer in sight. But we also agreed that it is an important question that we need to think over.

I did not get the answer, but I realised one thing for sure. That I am moving ahead in my journey of becoming better human being.