Journey to becoming a better human being - 4 

Everyday life is not philosophical


A few days later after coming back  from the retreat,  we gathered for our regular meeting. With a fixed time and fixed place, the weekly meeting had become part of our schedule. Will we continue our discussions from the retreat?

A friend started “I have not yet found the answer  to the meaning of life, but one thing I have realised is that it is important to be happy in life”. To me it sounded like a tautology, everybody talks about it. But is it that simple? I said “How can one be happy? At this moment I am not".

I was terribly upset. Earlier that  day at work , my project proposal was dismissed. I had worked on it for more than a month and I was sure that it will be appreciated as path breaking proposal. I was hoping to be rewarded. Instead now it was  in danger of being dismissed. All  due to  office politics. That manager was vicious. In the past  on two other occasions, he had intentionally harmed me.

“It happens. Cool down”, said a friend and I wondered how easily he could say that. I also know that it happens, but that knowledge did  not help me at that  moment. And how does one cool down?

“He is upset. Obviously when you are upset, you cannot be happy.” “Do you mean that becoming upset prevents us from being happy? Then why do people become upset?”. Suddenly I realised that I had become a live case study in the group.”

“He is upset because  things did not turn out the way he had expected. He feels that he has been intentionally harmed”

“Do you mean to say that it is his perception that upsets him?”

“Once the proposal was dismissed, he neither knew nor was in any mood to know the other side of the story”

More and more group members were commenting on my case. Our meetings were always very participative and lively. Everyone had a view and would freely express it. The focus was not on the individual but on the learning from the actual experience.

“He said  that the manager had intentionally harmed him in the past. That memory of the past injustice also springs up at this time and upsets him.”

“He also has an additional worry about the future. He has a fear of being dismissed.”

I was reflecting on these discussions and was finding that what each one was saying had a point. Why do we become upset? There seems to be three aspects:

1.       Perception of the present
2.       Memory of the past
3.       Images of the future

The moment one is negative  triggers the other two to become negative too. I perceived non-acceptance of my project as an attack on me. The moment I felt that, I remembered  the past injustices done by the manager to me and I also feared losing the job. Each of the three forces could upset me. And how much? My whole day was lost. With my mind stressed out  during the day. Perhaps I misbehaved with some colleagues. And obviously, I was not happy.

Does it mean that when the perception, memory and imagination is  negative, one is upset and when one is upset, one can’t be happy? And we started by saying that one should be happy in life.

Here was a  new insight that can help me to understand myself better. A step ahead in my journey to become a better human being.

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